It's weird to say that beer saved me from depression. Let's face it, it's not exactly the most common thing for someone to claim as having a positive impact on one's life. But beer saved me, in a weird sort of way.
Last winter, I was miserable. My wife saw it, my coworkers saw it, and after many conversations that highlighted my incessant complaining about my former employer, I finally admitted that I was in fact, a bit of a mess. My symptoms included:
- Being a bit of an ass to my wife, whom I love fiercely
- Being a outright ass to some of my customers
- Complaining about the lack of necessary change occurring in my department
- And generally complaining about anything I could find a reason to complain about
In short, I was bitter, overly critical, and no one wanted to be around me...including me. I'd woken up several times during the winter months and thought, "Not again. I can't do another day of this. Why in the hell did I move 1,100 miles for this?"
That's when one of my dearest friends and mentors suggested that I take up a hobby. He and I'd been talking over Slack and he asked me, "Do you have any hobbies?" Dumbstruck, I couldn't recall having anything to do during my free time other than study for certifications and try and bone up on all things *NIX-y. That night, I decided that I was going to take a week and learn how to homebrew. That was the best decision for my mental health that I'd made in a while.
I'd mentioned to a coworker that I was going to take some time to homebrew. He generously gave me his kit, noting that he wasn't using it. After a month, I had a passable ESB. Mind you, it was a bit watery, but it was by no means terrible.
In that watered-down, bubbly bit of brew, I found a hobby. I found something that would keep me from being completely burnt out.
I'm particularly interested in why brewing staved off the burnout. After all, it wasn't that I chose brewing as a hobby with the express purpose of keeping my sanity. I had chosen homebrewing on a whim, namely because I like good beer and wanted to make my own "good" beer.
It wasn't until Christmas that my mentor hit on something in a SysAdvent post that he wrote. To quote him: "Brewing beer is a mixture of being methodical, something that is near and dear to all our hearts, and art." I'd found a medium of expression that allowed me to still be methodical (something that was required in solving the types of problems a systems administrator solves), and be creative...the element that was missing from day-to-day duties.
As an INTP, I need space to create. Relentless break-fixing is something I've since discovered contributes to a regular cycle of burnout for me. If I'm stuck in that constant cycle, I'll inevitably start becoming a bit of an ass again. Thankfully, I've got a few hobbies now, and one that I've found that I love doing.
PS: If you're struggling with burnout, head over to burnout.io. The site has a great list of ways that you can mitigate burnout.